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my 2014

What a year, really, what a wonderfully odd year, I am excited about what the next year will bring, really I am. so much happened, I turned 30, I got into my groove at the office and really worked my butt off, I joined a new gym, after I realised that I had gained 10kilos in the space of one year. I set a new target. 131 by 31, yup, I intend to lose 24 pounds in 6 months which is an average of 1 pound a month. Now the cool part - If I hit my goal, If I lose these 10kgs, I will reward myself with a trip - there has to be a reason for a trip to Malaysia, hopefully i get to see Maya and the crazy one after all these years.

I also met some great people this year. Kelly, Jamie, Gabby, Will, Helen at the house and she is such a gentle soul and the one I think is going to turn into a long friendship Marion Grace, a writer based out of Kigali, I have come to the point where I know that I have to stop talking about things and actually doing something. If I want to write, I have to write, and not go on about how much I like writing, and if I want to paint, I must paint, if I want to lose weight and get fit, I need to put in the time, NO EXCUSES.

So it sounds like a new year's resolution but really it is a new beginning.. I know cliche!!, but seriously, I figure to lose a pound a week I need to walk an average of 20minutes, every day which is 140minutes per week, a little over 2 hours. I can do it, this will be done.

The trip to the States was amazing, it was so wonderful to see Gen again and to find that she hadnt changed at all, it was like no time had passed. she made love Atlanta and now I feel like I must go back. What a warm city, and it makes all the difference that Gen, Tanya, Ben and Gabby are there.

I am excited about the next year, I feel sure that something great is going to happen, something always does and just knocks you off your feet, but I am excited about this one. The next big change. #bringit

photo 2

Dreams of my father

As I grew older,  I gain more and more respect for my parents, I remember being just a child and what a humoungous deal it was for your parents to show up for the talent daym, or Sports day or even the ridiculous Class Day. I remember that my dad came, every single time, some times I would think how terribly embrassing it was that he would show up in his uniform, many times that being his military fatigues and now I look back and I think wow, I mean, how did he even find the time out of his busy schedule to come to a 7 yr old's class day. He could very easily have just decided this is not that big of a deal, she will not remember in 20 years, I am super busy saving the world, but he always made the time, he showed up in his fatigues because he didnt have time to go back home and change. but He showed up, he always showed up. If the day comes when I have little ones looking up to me, I want to be that parent, that drops everything, to go to a school and sit in a room full of parents staring at a stage with tons of children, knowing your kid doesn't even have the lead, she is in the chorus, but being there and clapping wildly when the ill-rehearsed song is done. I want to love my kids like that. my-father


The one about J's news

I found out today that J might ask E out, and I let him know it would be ok, I wonder if I should have mentioned that I have fancied him for a companion for a while now. I guess that will not be. I wonder if I should have left, I should not have. I miss my friends and I miss my family. I am not unhappy, but I could stand a chance at real happiness. At Joy even.

I guess I must be wishing on someone else’s star.

This is perhaps my most cryptic entry. I mustn't write like this, and yet, I must. for how will I know to look back and say, hmmm, remember when......


Happy September


September is here, not sure if this is a yay moment, but in many ways, I am trully excited about the new month, I did set some goals which are towards my big general life goals about geting healthier and generally enjoying my life more by doing the things that I am passionate about, and if you can't tell already some of those things are writing, reading and painting. Things that I find put me in a better state of mind, and make me feel fulfilled.

So week one update: Today is Sunday the 7th, I went to the gym on Monday, Wednesday and today Sunday - so 3 days this last week, so I made the minimum, but I could have easily done, 4 days including yesterday Saturday, so, not to happy with that, but I will work harder next week.
Green juice: I had a green juice every day of the work week, so five last week, red and green and added celery, which for some reason feels nauseating, but that is a story for another day,
Did not write this week.
Will start the book tonight.
Current state of the painting is...

It is a painting of my father from the 70s when he was a young pilot, it is no where near finished, and I havent touched it in two week, so, I am making it part of my goals this month, to motivate me to get it finished. then I can frame it and hang it up.

I should have added to my goals, making more home made meals to pack for work lunch because that is something that I am also doing and also excited about. Speaking of home made meals I should head off to do that.

But taking stock - first week was ok. I will make myself proud.

Laughing my way through the weekend

I finally decided to give Parks and Recreations a go (for some reason, I have to constantly fight the urge to call it 'Perks' which is what I always thought it was before. Anyways, this show is seriously funny, so much so that I just spent a 3 day weekend watching it, so exciting.


Really I should be cleaning up my room, sending of some files and getting ready for 2 days out of town, but this seems more fun.

I should post about the EXPO and mom being terribly ill the last couple of weeks and what become of the juice cleanse, but that will come soon, I hope.

Malaysia was cancelled, I was so excited about that, but I will not be able to go on leave for a bit, so, I  have to consider a new destination, hopefully that will be Atlanta for Gen and Tanya's wedding. so happy for them, everyone should be so lucky to find someone to love and be loved by. So, hopefully I get the VISA and go to that.

Fun times ahead.

Then came the headaches

ok, If I am going to do this juice cleanse/fast, I might as well keep track of what I am doing, in case I die suddenly and they start investigating.

The stats:

Starting weight: 69.8kg, Goal: 64kg by end July,  60 by end September, 57 by end of December really if I lose 10 kgs before the end of the year, I will be happy.

Current BMI is a whopping 28.7 up from 27 in August of last year, crazy, I have gained all of  7kgs in 10months since starting my new desk job. It is just ridiculous! I am not this person I do not recognise myself anymore, and the really crazy thing, I look at people and think, wow, they are quite large, I could never be that way and then I turn around and it is this.

The plan:

Replace my breakfast and lunch with green yummy juices, have some nuts for dinner, more veggie juice and maybe one slice of whole grain toast if I feel like I am dying. but I hope not.

Eat food with macro nutrients over the weekend, so maybe some green soups, a tuna sandwich maybe, work out at the gym on both days. Saturday and Sunday.

Will do that until end of June, (my birthday is on the 17th, so, I don't know how I am going to get through that day but I think it will all be fine.

I should put up a before picture... and I will, when I get to the homestead.

PS. I do not want to call this a fast, I will eat from time to time, just not as much as before. and not a box of pringles or  a tub of icecream, or a block of chocolate, that was just stupid.

Onward we march!!

On approaching thirty and juice cleanses

So I am approaching 30, not really 'approaching', I am standing at the door, and rattling the hinges, in three weeks, it will have happened, I will be on the other side. I don't know how I imagined it would be, I thought I would be taller and leaner by now, and I think I am coming to terms with it, and it is alright.
So instead, I am going to do something more fun and potentially life threatening, I am going to go on a pseudo juice cleanse. it will not be like a real real juice cleanse, because i will be having some peanuts from time to time because those are awesome, it will really be me not having to worry so much about stopping to pack lunch and how much oil was used to make the food.  It will just be some nice healthy veggie and fruity juices that I can leave off and when I begin to feel like I am dying, I will just switch it up with some delish brood bread.

Seriously though, this is my before, this is my before and I think it will all get better, sooooo, for the record, last weigh in was 69.8kgs, Lord knows how that happened. but I am working on it, I am a stronger person that I have been in a long time and that is something to be happy about.

Also I am getting quite taken with Ron Pope and James Vincent McMorrow, so in case in the future I get so caught up with a stack of other things that prolly don't matter,... here is a little something to remind me.

Happy new June!!,

As a new year rolls over, one thing become very painfully evident, I am horrible at blog keeping/writing, one day I am terribly excited about writing and keeping everybody(no body) up to date with the uneventful happenings of my life. I have to say though, there have been a few high moments. 2013 was not all bad, in the space of one year, I worked in 4 places and for part of the year I was unemployed and considering suicide, yes, that is who I am.

Things that happened in 2013,

I quit my job at CreaXion after 4 years, I started working with Village Group that I thought was God's answer to the world of design thinking in Africa ( I was ofcourse so so very wrong and I learned that quickly) I worked with John at BPR and learned quite abit about the true meaning for 'keeping your head above water' and then I was out of work for a while contemplating going back to full time work as an artist, went back home and actually collected stained glass for my new endeavours, bought some canvas, bought some paints and actually found a partner... then the call came and everything just about changed. Now here I am working with I&M Bank in their Marketing department and its been 5 months and I look back and wonder how I got here and I quickly realise I could never have predicted this, being here now.

Glass cocktail

What else happened? My cousin Rhona, my sister of always had twins, my brother got married, I punched that v-card, I met some really amazing people Ben, Gen, Lina, Pascale that really left a mark on my life. I saw the very amazing Nyungwe rainforest and did that canopy walk, amazing, amazing.

What I did not get to do was read as many books as I would have liked, I mean I probably read an average of a book a month but some of those books were garbage ( but delightful garbage). I worked out and lost some weight but not as much as I could have, if I had kept at it. I didnt write that short story that I always wanted to write, I didnt do as much artwork as I could have done. in fact I made a total of 1 paintings *sad face, but it was a fun painting to do, I started out with the hope of channeling Matisse esp with the flowers but ended up in a different direction. Gosh I miss painting but it is not enough to say that, I need to pick up my tools and get drawing and painting.


on the subject of getting distracted, I started this entry with the aim of talking about the need to create new resolutions, new paths, new traditions. I came by this not too suddent change of heart when I found my self once again alone on Newyear's day, second year in a row, and I realised I need to have a new thing, I need to belong to something, to have a reason to get up in the morning.

I wrote one of my dear friends Pascale and she wrote back a short message to let me know she was spending the last few days of the holiday with her girl in Kiev and because she would be going home soon, she was trying to spend every last minutes with her and while I totally understand, I could not help feeling the 'ouchie' there I was, in a big empty house, alone, my family a country away, my roomates another country away and my friends even further away. and there I was alone and actually quite frightened.

So no silly resolutions, I mean, who know if I will make it to next year Jan, BUT, if I do, I would like to look back then and say,

1. I saw a bit more of the world,
2. I wrote something more than 5pages long.
3. I drew and painted more.
4. I read more,
5. I laughed more,
6. I loved more and,
7. I was not alone on new year's night.

Here's to a wonderful new year 2014


Of falling teeth and bad diets

Well, I don't know if it's particularly because of my diet but I have not been doing myself any favours in that department. I mean I really really suck at eating healthy, I had a good week of home cooked meals and packed lunches and I just had to go and ruin it with like a box full of oringles and two cups of ice cream on the weekend, I don't get that, I know I am better than that and here I am, 10 kilos overweight, and my teeth falling out.

Yes, I stood at the sink, brushing my teeth and a piece of tooth just fell right out of my mouth, it's those devilish slices of fruit cake I have every other morning. I need to stop, I need to be more responsible for my health, I need to be accountable. I know I am better than that, surely I can afford to have a good breakfast, some fruit and nuts here, some bran there and coffee, dear Lord, whatever shall I do about the coffee, I need my cup a day, and it's not that I drink the whole thing, just enough to know that it is there, it is there in the mug if I need it.

i am almost 30 I am supposed to already be in the downward curve of my life. I need to take control. I am better than this.

My tomorrow will be better than my today,

this is is me taking a stand.

this is me holding myself accountable


365 TO 30

Its the last year of my 20, in 12 months, I will make the crossover, its an interesting place to be, I am always quite amazed by how many things I am able to do, desire to do and yet never get around to doing. How does one find there place in the big picture. There are so many things I wanted to do with my life, that I wanted to achieve and yet here I stand, having only gone so far with each one. Surely I can't expect to continue on like this, I am fully aware that I cannot do them all but I am certain that one or two of them will be the one that sends me forward, the unfortunate thing is doing part of each and ending up being mediocre at all.

So, for a quick round up of things I would have liked to do and be really good at.

  1. Stained glass mosaic Artist.

  2. Writer (Crime Thrillers and LGB fiction)

  3. Design Strategist / Brand development consultant

  4. Nutrition and Dietics / fitness expert consultant.

  5. Art Director

  6. Acrylic painter

That was how I intended to make my mark on this world. Have I grown lazy? I can't blame not achieving these things on anyone else. I always had the power (Dorothy) and yet I somehow always found an excuse not too.

But time waits for no man, I need to figure this out over the next few months, I need to work harder at each of these in order to give my dreams a fighting chance.

I will make it. its the getting there that is still a little fuzzy. :) but I WILL MAKE IT!