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Sometimes in May.

A lot can change in a short time, it seems sometimes we spend so much time building up walls that can then be destroyed in such a small space of time. We protect ourselves from the world because we tell ourselves that it is the world that is scary, broken and wanting to take a piece of us and break us down. And yet, we can never quite prepare ourselves. I have always been proud of my ability to remain unaffected, to remain in control (to some extent) of how life events and people affected me, it is what they say isn't isn't it, that we are the only ones in control of how we feel, somebody can be an asshole, but we chose to be hurt or angry because of what they did or said.

Anyway, most of that is pure unprocessed BS!. ok ok, maybe not most of it, but sometimes life (if you let it, if you take a minute too long looking at that sunset or breath too late) it will sneak up on you and there will be no saving you.

I find therefore that I cannot keep this inside, and perhaps it is better to just put it here and then hope that with time I will completely get over it, I doubt I could ever forget about it, but yes, I will move on, one day the sun will rise and I will not care anymore that in May of 2013, I meant a person that unassumingly stole my heart, not like in the movies either, there was no build up, no flashing lights, no warning shots, I took a turn and found myself ...HERE. In love with a person that I could never trully have, not desperately in love, thankfully, I am sure that I will wake up on one of these fine mornings and I will feel nothing, and it will all be a distant memory that shall only come back in waves when that song comes on the radio or someone says something goofy, Then I will remember that week when everything turned on its head, when we lived just for those moments, when we looked at each other and for that brief moment the world faded and there was only us. Yes, then I will will remember and I will smile and it will all be bitter sweet, and I will take a sip of water and the memory will dissolve. But right now, Right Now it hurts, I curl up in bed and sniff your tshirt, desperate to keep you close even knowing that you will never come back, never be mine, I close your eyes and see your smile, hear that laugh, and then I laugh and a tear steals its way down my face.

And its alright. Its Alright. Because it was worth it.

And now we turn a new page.

and we paint a new picture.

In two different books.

Goodbye my darling monkey. xx

moving on.

4 years later

So, my last post was in 2009, it is really shocking just how much can change in 4 years, growing, changing, learning, becoming a new person, may be better, but definitely different.

So, here's what I know for sure,
1.The only constant in life is change
2.Life it like a really good adventure book, those who haven't traveled have only read the first page.
3.You only live once, there is no rehearsal, no tryouts, THIS IS IT.

A lot has changed for me, there are things I want to do, and I have to stop talking about them, and planning to do them months from them. I am doing them, I need to do them now. There are things I really want to do and i can't wait another year, I can't wait until I retire, I can't wait until I have enough money.

1. Write
2. Travel
3. Get fit
4. Paint
3. Draw Potraits.

I want these things bad enough, to work hard at them. and so I am.

Find a goal

so here is my goal.

lose 5kg by June 17. that is an average of 1kg a month.
At least 1 hr at gym 3 times a week.
At least one painting a month.
At least one drawing a month.
At least one good book a month.

I will update this blog and hold myself accountable.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.

leaving Ug

Am typing this from my hotel room in Kigali, wondering how fast time flies, one minute i was wondering should I? shouldnt I? and the next, am here, I remember a few things from the last four weeks,

there was edith and Reinier's wedding

father of the bride, cousin and I doing the family band thing.

then there was the bad business that is writing the farewell email

and now, here I am, In Kigali,

the next f

around the block in 60 days, part 1

Ok, so over the last couple of months I have been here and there, well, three places really, The Island (Banda) with Eve, Rukungiri with the family and Rwanda on my own.

All really lovely places.

unfortunately my pictures don't do them justice, but i at least have to try

ok first up, the island

the candle could be from rukungiri, the view from the incomplete building definately is.

Tarantella - Hilaire Belloc

I just found this poem after nearly forever,
Our poetry teacher from High school, made us go over it so many times, that it very nearly lost its magic, but now, after all these years, finding it and reading it again, I am once again - captured.

Do you remember an Inn,
Do you remember an Inn?
And the tedding and the spreading
Of the straw for a bedding,
And the fleas that tease in the High Pyrenees,
And the wine that tasted of tar?
And the cheers and the jeers of the young muleteers
(Under the vine of the dark verandah)?
Do you remember an Inn, Miranda,
Do you remember an Inn?
And the cheers and the jeers of the young muleteeers
Who hadn't got a penny,
And who weren't paying any,
And the hammer at the doors and the Din?
And the Hip! Hop! Hap!
Of the clap
Of the hands to the twirl and the swirl
Of the girl gone chancing,
Backing and advancing,
Snapping of a clapper to the spin
Out and in --
And the Ting, Tong, Tang, of the Guitar.
Do you remember an Inn,
Do you remember an Inn?

Never more;
Never more.
Only the high peaks hoar:
And Aragon a torrent at the door.
No sound
In the walls of the Halls where falls
The tread
Of the feet of the dead to the ground
No sound:
But the boom
Of the far Waterfall like Doom.


Vacation yay!

2008 is gone, unbelievable, but not half as interesting am me finally going on leave. yes,after working my ka butt off this past year, am going to take the next two weeks off, and just chill. well, mostly chill.

I will finally have time to complete work on Uganda calling, I also get to spend time on banda Island which has no power or piped water or any other connections to the 21st century, and maybe three days in Rukungiri.

yes, this is going to be good. *fingers crossed)

i suppose i will need to load up on camera batteries and some books. should have a batch of bites and scratches pictures when i get back.

yay, wish me lack (especially with the boat ride)

My special brown sesame bread and THE FALL

So, i thought i would do a separate post about my fall, after doing this one but on second thought, am just going to do them together,


So am teaching web design to a class of 10 students, today was day today, and i had a good feeling about it, since we were beginning to do the real stuff, so anyway, at one point, one of the trainees, asks a question, i go over to their desk, to show them, now, as i am walking away, and this happened really fast, my feet get tumbled in a batch of cables, and the next thing i knew, i was just flying through the air, feet tangled, and wham! on the floor.  true story. and thats all am saying about it,


Both my parents are diabetic and i have been looking for ways to get them nice sugar free, low calorie breakfasts, and thus, - brown sesame bread. i put together this recipe and i totally love it, the, bread came out, finally after 3 hours, of preparation, rising, kneading, rising, seeds, rising, baking, looking rather hideous, but the taste, already has me hooked.

easysites begins

today was the first day of the easysites course, about 3 months ago, my boss asked me if i would like to be the trainer for that course, i said sure no problem, (am still not so sure why i said that) today i walked into that room scared as hell, my palms sweating, my mind completely blanck i couldnt even remember what a website is, but the trainees turned out to be a lively bunch, and am soooo glad, i cant wait for day two of training.

goodbye Joppe

Today i saw my friend Joppe for the last time, tomorrow he and Maleine will leave Kampala for the Netherlands and i don’t know if i will ever see him again, it seems really strange, that  i won’t be seeing him again, that i have to find someone new to go watch weird movies with, that i he won’t be there to tell me that its ok to watch family guy, that he won’t be here to completely mess up my hair after i spent ages getting it in shape, that there will be no one for me to turn to and whisper  ‘I hate gimp’ or ‘adobe rules’ . it seems weird that he will be gone. its seems even more weird that after nearly seven months, i cant find one picture of him on my hard disk

Goodbye Joppe

The 70's party that was

So Kate from Church came back from her 1 year trip, and her family thought, hmmmm this would be a good time to have a seventies party. (had to wear an afro wig, since, i dont have my afro anymore. still it was great)
And so they did, my camera was in a bad mood but am still going to upload the pictures.

Ok, things you will not know from these pictures,
- they only played music from the 70's - AWESOME.

and so on and so on, we really had a lovely time, the outfits were to die for,
the food was great, the music.... the music was... amazing to say the least.
It was a great night